It’s 9 a.m. and you’ve been waiting patiently for a potential employer to give you a call back after your interview. Your fingers are tingly and eyes feel heavy from a great smoke sesh the night before. All of a sudden your phone rings. You immediately get nervous that it might be the employer calling. You answer the phone and get the news that this place wants to hire you. They also kindly inform you that:
“We would like you to take a drug test before working here” …
“Fuck!” you scream internally.
As you celebrate the news of your new job, you also know in the back of your mind that the 3 joints you smoked last night with your homies will no doubt show up on the drug test. You have your medical card, you’re a responsible user, but the law and employer’s preferences are going to stop you from claiming your new bi-weekly paycheck. No. More. Ganja. Is that even an option for me? What can I do about this situation?
Then you remember your friend telling you about how he passed his drug test using synthetic urine, fake pee. Does this work?
Will fake pee pass my drug test?
Synthetic urine is specifically designed to mimic all of the factors that are in real urine. For example, real urine contains certain levels of Urea so it’s important for the manufacturers to implement realistic looking Urea measurements into your fake pee.
Even if you buy top-of-the-line synthetic urine, you can still fail. The most common mistake is delivering your synthetic urine at a temperature that’s not your body temperature. Many red flags are raised if you turn in your urine and it’s room temperature. Human urine leaves the body at 94-96 degrees fahrenheit and is measured shortly after handing it over.
Still, it is very hard to get it passed. If the proctor is watching you pee then you’re basically screwed. If the option of getting someone else’s pee is a dead end and you can’t wait 6 weeks to detox your system, then your best bet is to invest in synthetic urine. Take the chance if you have no other choice. You can get it at many sex shops or party stores.
There are also various supplements on the market that people claim to work. Niacin, Vitamin B12 and Creatine seem to be the most popular because they flush you out and are tested in your urine sample.
What do drug tests screen for?
There are many urban legends about using Tide or different soaps to mask the THC. I’m not saying it didn’t work, but I’ve never heard that it has from a trustworthy source. It’s important to note that drug tests screen primarily for 7 substances:
- THC (marijuana)
- Amphetamines (ADHD meds i.e. adderall, ritalin)
- Opiates (heroin, morphine, percocet, etc.)
Using some type of soap or detergent will completely mess up all the numbers and surely come back on the results.
Side note: Most tests don’t screen for DMT or ayahuasca so smoke that shit
In addition to drugs, the lab will also check for extremities in:
- pH Levels
- Uric acid
- Excessive nitrates
- Specific gravity
Results in these areas will help the lab determine whether or not you are a healthy candidate or up to some manipulation.
No matter what you do. The best thing to do is relax. There are plenty of employers who don’t care if you smoke weed. If you get caught it really isn’t that big of a deal. Maybe your parents will be disappointed in you, but don’t let that bring you down. Life goes on.